At 12:30pm during a quick walk around my apartment complex, the smell of toasted jazz cabbage hit my nostrils. The sensation made one thing about this coronapocalypse abundantly clear: we are staying at home, and we are stoned. But, what do we do to break the cycle of Netflix, Animal Crossing, and Tiger King memes?
Here are ten things to do this 4/20 month while quarantined and high.
Table of Contents
1) Epic Blanket Forts
Smoke a pre-roll of a good high energy sativa and grab every blanket, drape, and pillow you have. Build a blanket fort that would make those dudes on Youtube who build pools proud. Add Bluetooth speakers, Christmas lights, and that bean bag you still have for some reason.
Ever hotboxed in a blanket fort? Here's your chance, home skillet. Light up some nice relaxing strawberry cough and enjoy your new dwellings.
*disclaimer: Don't use a dab or wax rig in your fort. Let's not start a blanket fire with your torch.
2) Puzzles
Nothing calms the nerves like piecing together a cute kitten. Zone out with a nice 1:1 THC/CBD edible and stare at the kitchen table for a couple of hours. Jam your favorite podcast, chew a gummy or four, and chill for a bit. Just be careful that you don't pick the 5000 piece Pollock painting puzzle first. You're trying to occupy your time, not drive yourself insane.
3) Video Conference Safety Meeting
If you don't know what a safety meeting is, then you've never worked in the service industry. A safety meeting is a smoke circle rumored to be before, after, or during a shift to help get through the chaos. Given that sharing a bowl or blunt with friends directly isn't a good idea right now, keep up the tradition via zoom, uberconference, or any of the other platforms that probably don't want me telling you to do this.
Also check on your service industry friends. They are not ok. Check out efforts like Fireball Whiskey is doing, but especially efforts in your local area to help the people that fed you. We are all in this together, and your favorite bartender and server could use your help.
4) Yoga
Yoga and marijuana have been intertwined for centuries. What better way to relieve stress than to strike a few poses while breathing in and out after breathing in and holding? Might as well come out in a few months flexible and shredded rather than achy and shlubby. Hit a nice hybrid concentrate vape, shatter, or flower to reach your preferred work-out level. Then get your breathe on.
Check out DDP Yoga if you are looking for something a bit different than the traditional. Dallas Diamond Page created a style of strength-building yoga that will have you doing Rick Flair "WOOOOOOs" during the workout. Literally.
5) Learn a Language
We'll eventually be able to travel again. Might as well learn another language while you have the time. Go ahead and absorb a new language. I mean, I'm not going to, but one of us should. Anyway, smoke a caviar joint and hop to it!
6) Board games
This doesn't have to be just the usual Monopoly or Clue you are thinking of. Sip on your favorite THC infused beverage and choose a game like Settlers of Catan, Betrayal at House on the Hill, or Throw Throw the Burrito thanks to a resurrection of good board games. If you live alone, many even offer online versions so that you can video chat and play with your friends.
7) Learn to do Magic Tricks
You do not understand pure joy until you are high as giraffe balls on Girl Scout Cookies and someone does a magic trick for you. You could create that joy for someone! Maybe even wow a friend over video chat! It's just a pack of cards and a couple of YouTube videos away, my dudes! Sigh...I love magic so much.
8) The “Smoking Out with the Tiger King” Game
- Choose your preferred cannabis and cannabis device.
- Each time someone is injured by a tiger, take two hits.
- Each time someone says, "that bitch Carol", take a hit.
- Each time someone eats "Walmart truck pizza", take a hit.
- Each time Joe Exotic refers to balls, take a hit.
- Each time Carol laughs manically, take a hit.
- Each time you can read the words "Affliction", take a hit.
- Each time someone is on a jet ski, smoke a bowl.
- Each time you can't stop staring at Joe's eyebrow ring, take a hit
9) Make Your Own Stoner's Baking Show
If you're like me, you probably grabbed some odd choices as you wandered the half-empty aisles grabbing whatever kind of made sense. Take a hit of cannabis budder, grab random stuff out of your pantry, and go stream live with the experiment. Make a Taki's casserole topped with sliced cheese sticks or a canned tuna mac-n-cheeze with crushed pretzels that you were never going to eat anyway. Whatever you make, at least you know you'll be high enough to eat it.
10) Write a Blog
I've tried it. I've got to say... pretty darn good way to be quarantined and high. Right now, I've got some highly potent canna-butter from Mile High Wellness (an OG dispensary in Denver) inspiring me. It's a pretty good way to spend an evening. Man, you'd be surprised who they let write these things.
Bonus content: What NOT to do Quarantined and High.
1) Be rude or difficult to your dispensary or budtender – Your local dispensary has scrambled to operate safely to supply you with cannabis. Be kind to them. Check to see procedures before you go. Tip your budtender. We're all in this together.
2) Quarantine and chill – DON'T MAKE BABIES DURING QUARANTINE! Seriously. I get it. You are stuck in the house, it passes time, it's fun while high. Use. A. Condom.
